Between Cultures: Finding a Place to Belong

When people ask where home is, I sometimes wish I had a shorter answer.

I have lived in five countries. Each has become part of my life, although in different ways. There are places I know through their language, others through the people I love, and others through the version of myself I became while living there.

Today, I live in Denmark. Yet the life I bring here began long before I arrived.

A new country meets only part of you

Moving abroad means introducing yourself again.

You explain where you come from, what you do, and how long you have been here. You learn how things work. Sometimes you ask for help with something you once did without thinking.

What is harder to explain is everything that sits behind those introductions.

The person searching for a word in a language class has already lived a whole life. She may have raised children, written a book, built a career, cared for someone, or begun again more than once.

I think about this when I meet people. How much of someone’s confidence, humour, and knowledge can remain hidden while she is learning to express herself in another language?

Having lived between cultures, I know that the words someone can find in a particular moment tell us very little about the person she is.

What we carry with us

We bring more than belongings when we move.

We bring ways of welcoming people, showing affection, preparing food, and speaking about difficult things. We bring expectations about friendship: when to visit, how much to ask, and whether an invitation needs to be planned or can happen at the last minute.

Some of these habits feel so natural that we notice them only when we encounter a different way.

Living between cultures has made me curious about those differences. It has also made me more careful about assuming that I understand them.

A quiet person may be giving someone space. Another may be waiting to be invited closer. Both may care, while each is uncertain about what the other needs.

I do not always interpret these moments correctly. But I have learned to ask more questions and leave room for explanations I might not have considered.

When loss becomes part of that life

It was here in Denmark that I lost my child.

That loss became part of the life I was building in this country. There was still a language to learn, work to return to, and an everyday world that continued around me.

I wanted room for the person I missed within that world. I also wanted to be known as a whole person — someone with interests, thoughts, memories, and curiosity, as well as grief.

This is something I carry into With You Denmark.

The women who come will share the experience of losing a loved one, but there will be much more to discover about one another. We may come from different countries, speak different first languages, and remember our loved ones in different ways.

I want there to be space for those differences in our conversations.

Belonging through ordinary moments

When I imagine belonging, I think of familiar faces and small invitations.

Someone remembering your name. A conversation that continues from the last time you met. Finding out that you both enjoy the same kind of place, or that you have very different opinions about a book.

These are ordinary things, but they give a relationship somewhere to grow.

That is why our gatherings will include walks, tea, creative activities, and visits to places we can explore together. An activity gives us something to share before we know much about one another.

There may be a conversation about loss. There may also be laughter, a practical question about life in Denmark, or a new idea for the next meeting.

I hope women will feel welcome with all of that.

Making room for one another

I am still building my life here. Creating this community is part of that process, and I come to it with my own experiences and questions.

Living in five countries has given me many opportunities to begin again. It has taught me how much effort can sit behind an ordinary introduction, and how much an invitation can mean.

Through With You, an English-speaking community in Denmark for women who have lost a loved one, I want to offer that invitation.

You can bring the life you had before Denmark, the person you miss, and the person you are today.

I look forward to getting to know you.

Judita · Founder of With You Denmark

With You Denmark